don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
