Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize