Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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