The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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