if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
