I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
