You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
