just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
