i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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