so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
