Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
