I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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