You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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