I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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