Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i'm inner monologue high
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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