There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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