I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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