Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
