I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
