So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
