I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
