He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
