So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize