So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
