dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
