Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
