He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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