a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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