If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
