My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
