shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
