The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
