Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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