Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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