perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
