Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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