hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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