you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
