he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
