just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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