I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
NoShamevember. You game?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
