I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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