please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
