Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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