I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this just has baby written all over it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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