That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
