Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
