just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
