Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
