I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize