Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
