i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
