I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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