No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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