Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
