I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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