yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
