The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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