I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
