I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
