We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
