i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
