No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
