Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
